I Became What I Hate for Love
by dickard23
Summary: Clare Edwards prides herself on her morality: she's honest, fair, loyal and genuine, but when she meets the one boy she cannot keep out of her mind, she becomes everything she never thought she would be, a vengeful liar, a hypocrite and a temptress. How will she reconcile who she is with who she thinks she should be?


I Became What I Hate for Love

**A/N: Assume Degrassi canon through Drop the World. **

**Clare's POV**

I was on my way to Fiona's house to have a girls' night as it were. We both suck at romance. She dated too many guys before she realized she was a lesbian just to fall in love with her straight best friend and I just suck at relationships, no sexual orientation excuses, just utter incompetence. This is a night of sappy movies, ice cream, pizza, gossip and magazines. I get to her loft and a different Coyne answers.

It's Declan in a wife beater and sweatpants, still looking sexy as hell. "Hello, Clare. To what do I owe this lovely visit."

"Girls night with Fiona."

He laughed. "She's not here. She met a hot girl at a bar and she said she'd be back eventually. We were supposed to go to dinner. I guess she double-booked before she blew both of us off." I followed him inside.

"Well, I have ice cream," I offered.

"Now that sounds nice." We sit down and I ask him if he's ready to go to Yale.

"My stuff is ready, bags packed, etc."

"But are you ready?"

"I'm excited and anxious. I know it will be a lot of fun and I'll be meeting old friends, but I'm nervous to see Holly J again." I thought they got back together over the summer. "She dumped me, again. No matter how much I love her, I can't get it right."

"What happened?" No way he sucks at romance more than I do.

"I told her I saw us getting married someday, not any day soon, but just generally, and she freaked. I think I scared her away."

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"That you saw the two of you getting married someday."

"Yes I meant it. I still mean it now."

"Then you didn't do anything wrong. It's never wrong to tell someone how you feel about her. If she couldn't handle it, then it's her problem. She could have been honest and said she hadn't thought about it before. There's nothing wrong with that, but she just chickened out instead. That's not your fault."

"How did you get to be so wise?"

"I failed at relationships enough times."

"How could a cutie like you fail?"

"Well, you already know about K.C. I was dating Eli and then we broke up when he crashed his car because I told him I didn't like it. Later, I found out Eli is bipolar. After that, I started having friends with benefits with Jake Martin. Eli seemed to get better on his meds and he asked for me back, so I gave him a second chance, only for him to stop taking his meds and set his play on fire when I told him I didn't like it, so we broke up again.

I started dating Jake again, but then he fell for Katie Matlin and during the summer, I became friends with Eli again and I kissed him and we made out, and I thought we were back together, only to find out he was with Imogen and he didn't bother to tell me. He knew we didn't get along, so he didn't want me to find out before school. When I asked him why he kissed me, he says, 'well it felt nice and familiar and I couldn't stop myself.' So, every relationship I'm in ends up with me being left for another girl. I just can't keep a guy. Maybe I'm a crappy kisser or something."

Declan swiftly cupped my face and pulled me towards him. His lips were soft and his hands moved up my back, caressing me. I wanted him for so long. I got over my crush on him long ago, but I always had a soft spot for him. I moaned as he pulled me on his lap and my hands roamed his back and then raked his abs. He grunted as I nibbled on his lip. He broke the kiss.

"You are an excellent kisser. I think you just dated dweebs." I blush. I know Declan and I won't be anything. He starts college soon, but maybe we can have an end of the summer fling. We kept kissing and nuzzling each other's necks until the phone rang. It was Holly J. He stepped into another room.

I bet she's asking for him back. He eventually came out with a somber look on his face.

"You two are back together."

He nodded. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that."

"You didn't." I just feel crappy right now. Declan managed to replace me faster than any of the other guys I kissed.

"I'll drive you home."

And that was the last time I saw Declan Coyne.

It was a week later when I was at the Dot, alone. Alli wasn't back yet, and I felt like crud. My mom's wedding was coming up, and I put on a happy face when she was around, but I was just sad, a lot. No matter how much I am willing to give, I always end up hollow in the end.

It's just me and this milkshake. Woe is me.

**Owen's POV**

I came to the Dot with some of the Ice Hounds. Simpson announced them the last week of school and some of my teammates arrived early. I'm here for football preseason.

Luke asks me who's the girl in the corner. "It's Clare Edwards."

"She's cute, but she looks so sad." She's also alone. I go to her booth and ask her if she wants to join me and the others.

"I'm probably not the best company right now," she says gloomily.

"Well, we'll get your mind off whatever has you down." She takes my hand and we go to a bigger booth.

"Clare, this is Luke Baker, Dallas, and Cam Saunders."

"Is Dallas a first name or a surname or your only name?" she asks quizzically.

He laughs. "My surname, but no one calls me Mike. I take it Clare is your first name?"

"Yes, and Edwards is my last name."

We make small talk for a while and the guys start stuffing their faces. Luke drives the other guys home and I say I'll give Clare a ride.

"So what had you so gloomy?"

"You're going to make fun of me," she says.

"I will not." Well, I'll try not to anyway.

"I just suck at romance."

"How can you be worse than anyone else?"

"Every guy I meet always meets someone better. K.C. left me for Jenna; Eli is with Imogen; Jake is with Katie; Declan's back with Holly J. No matter how hard I try, I'm never enough." I don't know Clare very well, but she's beautiful, smart, sweet. I wonder what idiot thinks she's not enough.

"Maybe the guys you date aren't enough for you. Let's look at your past exes. K.C. is an idiot who knocked up his girlfriend. Eli is crazy and is now with a girl who's even crazier; Katie Matlin is a bitch and Holly J is an even bigger bitch. It sounds like you need to get your self confidence back. Don't measure you worth by the boneheads you date. They're not a reflection of you, well they reflect that you might have a poor taste in men."

"Thanks Owen." She is laughing now.

"Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve what you want. The next time you want a guy, just go for it."

"I wish I had that kind of confidence."

"You can, you just have to build it. Don't even wait for a guy you are head over heels for. Try the next hot guy at a party and just see if you can make makeoutout with him. Sometimes you'll win and sometimes you strike out, but if you keep trying, you'll learn to handle the strike outs and fear won't psych you out when it matters."

I drove her home, and she thanked me for the ride.

**Clare's POV**

I can't get Owen's words out of my head. It was odd that he of all people was the one to comfort me when I was down. I don't remember him ever speaking to me before that day. Maybe I should just go for the next hot guy I see. What else can happen? I've been rejected enough times. What's one more?

My mother's wedding was nice. Adam was my "date" and there was free booze. I had to hide my drinks from my mom, but that wasn't very hard. She and Glen went to their honeymoon and Jake is throwing a big cabin party while they're gone.

Maybe I'll find a guy to kiss there.

I get dolled up with Alli and we ride up to the cabin with Dave. Jake, Katie and Mo left earlier. I instantly regretted coming. The first thing I saw was Imogen and Eli swapping spit. I went to look for a drink and I found Katie and Jake all over each other. The next thing I know, I'll see K.C. and Jenna. They broke up after she gave up the baby for adoption, but knowing them; they're back together again. I finally find a cooler and begin to chug the beer. It's pretty bad, so I drink it fast.

"Didn't think you could drink so fast!" It's Dallas.

"The taste isn't the most pleasant."

"Fair enough. Don't drink too much now. Wouldn't want you getting sick." He left as quickly as he appeared

I went to get some water, the beer got to my head. I heard yelling and when I got there, Owen was alone. Whomever he had been yelling with was gone.

"Are you okay?"

"I am now. How are you feeling?" He asked me how I felt, not the generic how am I. I look into his eyes and I feel pretty good. He's very attractive and he did say to try and kiss the next hot guy and get in some practice. His lips are looking very kissable right now. Instead of answering with words, I sit in front of him and press my lips to his. Softly at first in case he rebuffs me, but he kisses me back, pulling me on his lap as his hands roam my sides. My hands tug on his hair and we are making out. I barely know him and what I know of him is mostly bad, but he's a very good kisser, and I feel good just touching him. My nails rake his abs and he grunts as we share air until we finally need to break the kiss. My lips hurt how.

"I feel great," I say with a smile. We talk a bit more and then Dave comes saying Alli was looking for me. I say goodbye to Owen and go to fix my makeup before I see her. No reason to tell her, or anyone else I had a steamy make out session with the school bully.

**Owen's POV**

Dave gives me a look.

"What dude?"

"Aren't you with Jenna?"

"I was, but she didn't want to tell anyone she was my girlfriend, and I refuse to be her dirty little secret. We just got into a huge fight. I think we're done."

"Now, you and Clare?"

"I think she just wanted someone to kiss, which I'm fine with because kissing her was great."

"How do you move so fast?"

I shrug. Girls weren't really into me last year. I guess my rep went up after dating Anya. "Just luck. It comes and goes."

I didn't talk to Jenna for the rest of the party.

I didn't hear from her until two days later, when she apologized and said she'd tell all her friends. She likes me and all; she was just nervous about dating so soon after K.C. and Tyson. She was afraid of looking like a tramp.

I said okay and we were good.

The next day, I saw Clare at the Dot. Shit! What do I tell her? She says hi but goes back to chatting with Alli. When Alli leaves, I approach Clare.

"So about that kiss…."

"I hope that was okay. I didn't mean to use you, but you said to find a hot guy to practice on, so I assumed you were fair game."

"I was just practice? That's fine. I just wanted to make sure I didn't lead you on." That was one fucking hell of a practice kiss. I ended up taking care of myself in the woods after that kiss.

"Just a kiss between friends." I guess we are friends now.

"Sure." I drive her home again and that's it. We're just fine.

School Starts

Still **Owen's POV**

I'm excited to start school. I'm co-captain of the football team. I'm an Ice Hound. I have a girlfriend. Senior Year is gonna rock. I drive to school, and I go up to give Jenna a kiss, but she blows me off to hang out with her power squad girls. I see other guys coming on to her, and she just smiles, like she isn't taken. I thought we were telling people. It seems like no one knows. What the hell?

I don't have time to confront her before class. I'll talk to her after football.

**Clare's POV**

This is a new year and a new chance to have some fun and put the past away. It was nice kissing Owen, no strings attached. Maybe I'll find some other boys to kiss just for fun. I like not being confined. A guy can't break my heart if I don't give it to him. I eye Dallas flirtatiously as I walk by. I don't give him a chance to talk to me. I just bite my lip and go find Alli. I like teasing the boys. It's fun.

K.C. is my partner in Advanced Chemistry, yet even more ex time. He seems pretty chill now that he and Jenna are done for good.

"I hope we can be friends again," he said to me.

"I'd like that." No more drama! I'm so done with that shit.

We get to lunch and they formally introduce the Ice Hounds. There's music playing and people cheering AND NO MORE UNIFORMS! I'm so excited. I am going to dress up tomorrow. I'll get the boys to come to me. Hehe!

**Owen's POV**

School got out and I found Jenna after practice. "Is there something wrong?" I ask her.

"No. Why?"

"I went to kiss you this morning before school started and I couldn't get near you between the power squad and random guys coming on to you."

"I didn't do anything with them," she hisses.

"I know that," I snarl, "but guys are hitting on you because they think you're available. I thought we were telling people. I told my friends." Well, the guy friends I talk to regularly, not every freaking person I talk to.

"Not this argument again!"

"I don't know what's so hard about saying, 'hi Liam. I think you're nice and all, but I'm taken. It's not hard. You don't have to be rude about it, but it sucks to see your girlfriend acting like she's free to mingle."

"I'm not doing this right now," she just walked away from me. Fuck that! If she doesn't want to tell people she's with me, she doesn't have to be with me at all.

I head over to the Dot to get a milkshake or something to wash the sour taste out of my mouth and I see Clare eating with Adam and Alli and Dave. Clare says hi to me and I wave back, sitting with some of the football players. They ask me about Jenna.

"We got into another fight."

When I see Clare getting up to go, I follow her. She turns and asks me what is it and I take her hand and lead her to the back of the Dot. I pin her against the back wall and kiss her. She kisses me back, putting her leg on my hip and grinding against me as I grope the sides of her breasts. Damn, she's hot. She can do more with a kiss than Jenna can do with her whole body. She actually kisses me like she wants me instead of just getting on all fours and letting me do all the work. Eventually, she breaks the kiss. "Rough day?"

"Yeah, it was." Shit! I have a girlfriend, even if she is being a bitch right now.

"How about we find each other when we need a pick me up? No strings attached."

"Perfect," I say. What the hell am I doing? I'm taken. Well, if Jenna won't tell people we're together, then I guess we're not really together.

I drive Clare home.

**Clare's POV**

Now that was unexpected. Owen has a way of making me feel good in a very physical way. He's primal, expressing himself physically instead of drowning me in emotions, perfect hook up buddy.

I get started on my homework before dinner. I have a lot to do tonight, stupid honors classes. What am I saying? I usually love school. Why are the classes seeming irrelevant to me now!

**Owen's POV**

Jenna apologized the next day and said she'd tell those boys to piss off. I accepted it, and said we're good now. She didn't want to go facerange official, yet. She claimed it was because the Bhandari's are strict and check facerange, and it will be easier for us to see each other if we're not on there.

I said okay for now, but I should meet them eventually if she's serious about me.

Thursday

I was on my way to lunch when I felt a small hand grab my shirt and pull me into an empty classroom. Clare grabbed me and pulled me to her lips, her soft lips, caressing mine as she pressed her body against me, her breasts pressing into my chest as her legs wrapped around my hips. She sat on the teacher's desk and tugged on my hair, pulling me to her as her tongue explored my mouth, gently. How is she so eager to touch me when my own girlfriend isn't? Jenna will give it up once or twice a week, but I think it's to shut me up if anything. Clare kisses me like there is no tomorrow. I feel like a man when we're together.

Eventually, I have to pull away from her. I actually do need lunch.

"Bad day?"

"Our teacher ordered the wrong chemicals in lab today, so not only did he set a fire, but we all have to make it up after school, except K.C. has football, so I get to do the whole experiment alone."

I snicker. "Mr. Betenkamp is klutzier than Wesley."

"I know." She shook her head. "It was good seeing you, Owen." She left first. I waited a few minutes just in case.

**Clare's POV**

Owen has a way of making me feel better with just his lips. He doesn't have to say a word. I didn't tell him this but I have dinner with my dad and his fiancee today, talk about awkward.

I suffer through class and my extra lab, Connor helped me, and then I go home and change to meet Dad. He picks me up and says, "It's an Italian restaurant. It's supposed to be very good."

Well the food was good, the conversation, not so much.

"So Clare," Irene started. "I hear you write for the paper."

"I do. My first assignment is Saturday's football game."

"How nice? I was a cheerleader in college." Is that a prerequisite for home wrecker?

The conversation is this flat and then my dad goes to the bathroom.

"Look Clare, I know you hate me and I don't blame you, but I love your Dad and…."

"I don't hate you," I tell her, honestly.

"You don't, but I have to force conversation out of you."

"I just don't know how to relate to you. You went from stranger to my dad's fiancee while he was allegedly with my mom. It's kind of awkward."

Her face falls a bit. "I know we didn't go about things the right way, and I wish I could change that, but I can't now. Maybe we could get to know each other going forward."

"Okay, but stuffy Italian restaurants aren't really the best for that."

"What do you like to do?"

"I like shopping."

"That we can do. How about next weekend?" Well, if she'll buy me stuff, I guess we're good.

Saturday

I see our guys take the field. They announce the players and Drew of course gets the most cheering. All of these grade niners are like in love with him. He thinks they're hilarious and Bianca just shakes her head.

I see Owen and I wave to him. He waves back and then goes to warm up with the guys.

The game was a bit of a blow out. K.C. ran in 2 touchdowns and Owen caught a touchdown pass from Drew. Home openers usually are. Owen says the weakest teams are usually the first game and homecoming. He says next week will be harder, but he still expects to win. I talked to Drew after the game, since he's the other captain and I got some quotes for my story

After the game, I am on my way home, when I see K.C.

"Want to get a victory milkshake with me? I'm sorry I ditched you in lab."

"I don't blame you. I blame Mr. Betenkamp for that, but let's get a milkshake anyway."

We get to the Dot and we get milkshakes, and he tells me about the goofy things that go on in the locker room. It was fun just chilling with K.C. He gave me a ride home and we agree to do this again sometime.

Over the next two weeks, I had some platonic hangouts with K.C. and some steamy make outs with Owen and Dallas kissed me, but he's kind of a sloppy kisser, so I won't be repeating that. He was also drunk on campus at the time, not exactly hot.

I went shopping with Irene, which started off awkward, but got better. I don't think she's a bad person; I just don't like how her actions hurt my mom so much. We do both love ice cream and she helped me pick out a new dress, black, leather, textured that Owen loved. He couldn't stop copping a feel when I wore it. I do have to say, she's got good fashion sense.

I was on the phone with Alli and she was trying to set me up with a guy. "What about Dallas?"

"Sloppy kisser."

"You kissed him!"

"He kissed me, while he was drunk. Not hot!"

"Well, how about Luke?"

"Purity ring."

"You have one too!"

"But I'm not above kissing. He is."

"Oh. You'll find someone. I found Dave. Jenna found Owen."

"What?" Is she kidding?

"You didn't know. They've been together for like a month." A MONTH WHAT THE FUCK!

"It's not on facerange."

"I know. I asked her why, but she didn't really tell me."

"I'll figure it out."

I get off the phone with Alli quickly. This is not good at all. The next day, I was at the park, where I usually practice my writing. Owen came up from behind me and kissed me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't kiss him back.

"What's wrong?"

"You have a girlfriend!" He didn't deny it. I was hoping he would.

"I know, and I should have told you the truth, but when we first kissed, Jenna and I had a huge fight and I thought we were over. We got back together and then the two of us decided it was just a kiss between friends. I thought it was all in the past. Then, Jenna and I had the same fight and I thought we were going to break up and then I kissed you after that fight and Jenna and I reconciled, but I didn't want to give you up. I couldn't, so I didn't. I thought you would have found out sooner."

"It wasn't on facerange," I hissed. "And I never see you with her."

"She doesn't really like being seen with me. That's why we fight. She says it's because of the Bhandari's, but Alli goes out with Dave. I know it's selfish, but I figured if she wasn't going to tell the guys who hit on her she's taken, then why should I tell the girls who come after me."

"Did she fool around with those guys?" I doubt it. Come on Owen.

"I don't think so, not that she would have told me if she did. Can't we just pretend this is like before?"

"No, we can't." Although I want to.

"Why not? Jenna and I were together the last time we kissed."

"I know, but I didn't know then."

"And knowing now is different."

"It is. I would never agree to induce a boy into cheating on his girlfriend."

"Jenna would do the same thing to you. She already has."

"I know, but I'm not Jenna. I wouldn't do to her, what she did to me."

"You're a good girl Clare. It's why I like you." He kissed me again and I had a moment of weakness before I pushed him away.

"I can't Owen, and I don't even know if we can be friends because I'm always going to want to kiss you." I should be furious. I should slap him, but his touch did make me feel better when I needed it.

"I'll give you some space, but I don't want to lose you as a friend."

He left and that was it. I did the right thing, but I feel like crap!

**Owen's POV**

I goofed it up. I knew I would get caught eventually, and I thought it would have been sooner, but it still stings. Clare is just so inviting in a way Jenna isn't. Not physically, but spiritually. She doesn't really tell me that much about herself, well other than that one day at the Dot, but she wears her heart on her sleeve. I feel like I've known her forever. Jenna is just so fucking cryptic. I never know where I stand with her.

I may as well find her to hang out, since I don't know when Clare will be able to look me in the eye again.

I got to Jenna's and then we went out for dinner. It was just a simple Chinese food restaurant. It's good and cheap. After dinner, I brought her back to my place. She kissed me, but it didn't feel right anymore. Well, Clare doesn't want me, so I'll try. I closed my eyes and imagined it was Clare kissing me with her luscious lips and that her breasts were pressed against me. I thought about all of the things I wanted to do with Clare and the next thing I know, Jenna and I were both naked. I put a condom on her. She says she's on the pill, but I don't trust her and birth control. I closed my eyes and pushed into her. I let go of all of my frustration with Jenna and she was hissing and moaning and screaming until she had her orgasm. I followed.

"That was amazing!"

Too bad I wasn't thinking about you at all. I kissed her forehead and had to get dressed. It was time to get her home.

I got home and felt like a cheap hooker. I took a shower, changed my sheets, swallowed two fingers of whiskey and passed out.

**Clare's POV**

I pretty much had to avoid Owen the next week at school. It was too hard not to grab him, hold him, kiss him. I spent more time with K.C. and Adam and I even forgave Eli, so I wouldn't be bored and alone. Hanging out with him and Imogen sucked, but thinking of Owen the whole time sucked even more.

I spent the afternoon with K.C. at the Dot and he asked me if I ever thought of what would have happened if we stayed together.

"I used to, but I haven't in a long time."

He looked at me and kissed me, his lips were soft and he was very gentle, like he thought I was fragile. Owen kissed me like I was unbreakable. This kiss was tender, but it wasn't what I wanted. After we broke apart, we both realized the spark was gone.

"I think we missed our moment, Kase."

"I do too. I wish we hadn't. I wish I hadn't…."

I press my finger to his lips. "It's okay. We're better as friends."

Well, I don't know who saw this kiss, but everyone was talking about it at school tomorrow.

"You got back together with K.C. and you didn't tell me," Alli squealed.

"We're not back together. It was one kiss, and we decided to stay friends afterwards."

"No spark."

"Not even a baby spark. It was just too gentle. I need more passion."

"Well, we'll keep looking." I saw Jenna with Owen. I saw the guy I wanted.

Alli set me up on a date with Liam for Friday.

**Owen's POV**

I heard Clare's back with K.C. I couldn't expect her to stay single forever but it sucks. I want to make it right with her, but how do I do that when she rightfully doesn't want to talk to me at all. I saw K.C. and I asked him how things were with him and Clare.

"We're just friends."

"What? But I thought…."

"Degrassi gossip mill."

Maybe, someday I will get a chance. "Owen, let's go," Jenna called me.

Well, not today. "I'm coming!"

Friday

**Clare's POV**

Liam was a perfect gentleman. He was sweet, a good conversationalist, well dressed, and utterly not my type. He drove me home and said goodnight, pecking me on the cheek. I have no interest in him at all.

Alli called me as soon as I got to my room and asked me how it went. "Well, he took me to a good restaurant, French cuisine, he paid, made good conversation, wore nice clothes, was nice."

"So he was perfect!"

"Perfectly boring!"

"What!"

"There was nothing personal about the date. You could have switched out him for any other guy or me for any other girl and it would have been the same date. I just felt nothing for him and I don't think he felt anything for me."

"Wow! You are picky."

"I am?"

"No to Dallas, K.C. and Liam."

"I just don't feel the je ne sais quoi."

"Well, don't settle. Just keep trying until you do."

I need a man who can manhandle me and not be too rough. Someone who actually acts like I matter, who wants me, and of course, the one guy I know who feels this way has a girlfriend who isn't me. I hate my life.

Saturday

Alli asked me to be her alibi since she's going to a college party with some of her friends from science camp. I called her mother pretending to be my mother and asked if she could spend the night.

Mrs. Bhandari fell for it and she said for Alli to come home by noon on Sunday. I call Alli to let her know and she says thanks for the favor.

I didn't think about it at all until Monday.

Monday

I got to school and thought all was good. I asked ALli how the party was and she said amazing and Jenna snarled. I guess Alli didn't invite her either.

We get to lunch and I'm on my way when Jenna pushes past me, knocking my tray onto my shirt.

"What the hell, Jenna."

"Oh sorry, CLARE, I didn't see you," she says in a fake as all hell voice. She did that on purpose, why I don't know.

I go to my media immersion class in my gym shirt since my regular shirt needs washing and right when I'm about to be done, she manages to "trip" on my computer, so I'll have to start all over from the beginning.

"I didn't see that cord."

"The one you went out of your way to step on. What the hell is your problem?"

"I'm grounded for two weeks because of you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You gave Alli an alibi and not me, so Mrs. Bhandari grounded me, while she got away with going to the same party." So Alli did bring her.

"She didn't ask me to give you an alibi." Not that I would have given her one anyway.

"We were supposed to sneak out and no one would have thought to look for me if you didn't call."

"Well, you shouldn't have snuck out if you couldn't handle the consequences." No way is this my fault.

I was pissed. I had to stay after school to redo my assignment, and it was pouring out. I was going to have to walk home in the rain.

"Of course I didn't bring my umbrella," I said to myself.

"I'll drive you," I turn around and it's Owen.

"Thanks."

We get in my car, and I ask him how he's been this past two weeks. He says things are going fine. He doesn't really elaborate.

He asks about me and I say I'm okay, but I've missed him.

"I missed you too Clare."

We get to my house and I don't know if it was out of my missing Owen or my contempt for Jenna, but I grabbed him and kissed him, crashing my lips to his as my tongue demanded access. He kissed me back and we made out in his car until I heard his stomach growl. I better let him go.

"Please don't tell me that was a one time thing," Owen said.

"It doesn't have to be."

"Good. Because Jenna's grounded for two weeks," he said with a smile.

"Oh, I know." I run inside.

What the hell am I doing? I'm not the other woman, the temptress. I hated Jenna and I hated Irene, but I don't hate Irene anymore, but I still hate Jenna. Well, Jenna's a crazy bitch, so why wouldn't I hate her. It's not my fault, she can't satisfy Owen, even if she does put out for him.

He'd rather kiss me than fuck her. I chuckle to myself about that.

I managed to avoid Jenna as much as possible at school and I only wore clothes that could go in the wash. It was fun sneaking around with Owen. I'd go to his place after school. He even wants to take me out on Friday. We're going to the next town over, so no one sees us, but it's like an actual date for once.

On Friday, he picked me up wearing a nice dress shirt, black and green and new jeans. He kissed me on the lips. "You look beautiful as always." I flushed and we went to the restaurant which was Thai. It was delicious, spicy and sweet and the decor was nice. It was a simple place, but the food tasted authentic, not that I would know. He told me about the rant coach gave them during practice about not trying hard enough in the third quarter. They have a habit of starting the game hot, losing it and then getting it back. He wants four full quarters.

I told him about Katie's rants on the paper. She can sure yell. It's weird seeing her in my house acting like she's a kindhearted soul around Jake.

We laugh and then after dinner we get ice cream cones and walk through the promenade. We end up at a little kids playground and start making out on a bench. It started off as a slow, easy kiss, but then it became rough and lustful his hands groping my ass as I was thrusting my hips against him. He was very hard. He flipped me over so I was on top. His leg went between mine; I was very wet for him.

"Can I please you?" he hissed.

I blushed and then I nodded. He slowly reached his hands up my skirt and pushed my panties out of the away. He reached his hand in, performing his magic on me as I moaned and hissed into his neck. He definitely had his technique down and he controlled me very easily, deciding when I would get stimulated and when he would pull away. He played me like a guitar and I loved every second of it.

**Owen's POV**

I love making Clare feel good. I never actually try with Jenna. I just close my eyes and do her when she offers it, so she doesn't suspect I'm not that into her. I haven't been near her all week. I don't miss her at all. She calls me and I listen to her bitch about the Bhandaris, who took in her homeless ass. She's such a little brat.

Clare hissed in my ear and bit my shoulder through my shirt as she came. She fell back on the bench, her eyes expressing her satisfaction. When she came too, she grazed my pants. "Your turn," she murmured into my ear.

I closed my eyes as she took care of me. Oh God, how does she make her hand feel so good?

We went out again on Saturday and managed to see each other every day the next week. I was feeling fantastic, and it wasn't until Saturday morning that I had a problem.

"Hello?" I didn't bother to check my phone.

"Owen. It's Jenna. I convinced Mrs. Bhandari to let me out tonight, so we can go out, finally!"

SHIT! I wanted to take out Clare. "Great Honey. When should I pick you up?"

"How about 6PM? We can catch up and then make a 7PM dinner? I've missed you."

"I've missed you to, Jen!" Total lie.

I call Clare and ask her if we can meet for lunch instead of dinner tonight. I pick her up at noon and take her to the next town.

We get to an Ethiopian place and share the meat platter.

"What's going on? You sounded panicked when you called me?" Clare said.

"Jenna got off her grounding early. She wanted to go out on a date with me tonight."

Clare's face fell. Of course it did.

**Clare's POV**

I'm the other woman. I can't expect Owen to never date Jenna. I just don't want him kissing, her pleasing her, fucking her. I want him to myself. Sneaking around was fun when she was locked up, but now she's out on the loose and I have to see them together again. I don't even feel bad about what we've been doing. It scares me. I should feel bad

"Please, say something."

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do."

"Clare, I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. I love it when we kiss and touch and go out together, but I hate that you're with her and I don't want want to have to share you. It's one thing if we were casual and you were casual with her, but she's your girlfriend."

"Who you hate."

"I know, and I felt bad at first about this, but now I don't."

"Isn't that good?"

"No, it's bad."

"It's bad that you don't feel bad?"

"I should feel bad when I'm doing something wrong. It would be like stealing with no remorse otherwise. I'm afraid of who I am, of who I've become." I lie to my parents so they don't know I'm seeing a secret lover. I lie to myself and say nothing bad will come of it. I'm doing to Jenna what Irene did to my mom. I'm a hypocrite, a spiteful, vengeful, hypocrite and I don't want to give up Owen. I almost feel ready to become something I hate to keep him. How screwed up am I?

"I know exactly, who you are. You are a sweet, smart, incredibly sexy girl who I want to be all mine. I know I wasn't exactly honest with you about everything at the beginning, but I want to be your man. I want you all for myself, and I'll prove to you that you can trust me, as long as it takes."

"What about Jenna?"

"I'm breaking up with her tonight, whether you're ready to be with me or not. I don't want her. I want you. When I'm with her, I just wish it was you. It was a struggle not to say your name in bed when I'm with her."

"TMI!"

"Oh Sorry."

"Also, you should probably get tested. I don't trust where she's been." Who knows if she was faithful if she wasn't willing to tell people about them right away. She might have been playing the field herself.

"I think you're right. So you'll give me a chance."

I peck his lips. "Break up with Jenna and we'll talk. I have feelings for you, strong ones, but I'm conflicted too."

"I know, and I'll make this right."

He took me home after lunch. It was not a time for sexy time. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone who could hear me out. It can't be Adam or Alli. I need someone who won't judge me. I only know of one person who will fit the bill.

I ask Jake to borrow his truck. He gives me the keys and I drive to my Dad's.

"Your father isn't home," Irene tells me as I'm at the door. "You can wait for him if you want."

"It's actually you I came to see."

"Oh What's going on!"

"I need some help. I'm in a bit of a jam, and I needed to talk to someone who would understand my predicament."

"I'll try. What kind of jam are you in?"

I explain how I felt down at the end of the summer and Owen became my kissing buddy and how he ended up having a girlfriend and I ended it, but then I got mad at his girlfriend and started it up again and now he says he'll leave her for me, but I don't know if we can make it work given how we started. Can I trust him? I want to. I believe he cares about me in a way he didn't with Jenna, but how do I know. What kind of girl does that I did, especially when it has been done to me in the past? How do I not feel bad about it even when I know it was wrong? "I just want to be with him, but I feel like I became someone horrible to get him."

"You're not horrible Clare. You made a mistake. We all do, and if you were horrible, you wouldn't feel bad at all."

"So feeling bad about not feeling bad is good?"

"Yes. I think it is."

I write that down.

"I love your father and I don't feel good about how we met or got together. I never will, but I had to move on with my life. If you think Owen is the guy, then take a chance, but you have to realize it's a risky chance. If he cheated with Jenna and she had no clue, he could try to do the same with you. I'm not saying he will. He might be different, but you have to stay mindful of how this all came about. Do you know if he was like this with his other girlfriends?"

"I think he was faithful with Anya. How do you know my dad won't cheat on you too?" That sounded bitchy. "I mean …."

"I know, and I don't. I trust him, but not because he can't hurt me, but because if he does, I know I'm strong enough to move on. That's all you can do with anyone."

We get some ice cream to soften the mood and then I head home. "You won't tell Dad about this conversation will you? If I do introduce him to Owen, I don't want him to know all of this."

"Our little secret."

**Owen's POV**

I put on a simple black t-shirt and jeans, nothing fancy, since we're not actually going out on a date. I take Jenna to Starbucks and say I need some tea and we should talk.

She's starts blabbering to me about all of the stuff she missed since she was grounded and how unfair it was that Alli went to the party and got away with it and she didn't.

"So where are we going tonight?"

"About that. Jenna. We're not going out tonight. I'm breaking up with you."

"WHAT! WHY!"

"I just don't feel the same way anymore. I don't feel that spark with you." I want a girl who makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, a girl I want to give everything I have to, Clare.

"Is it someone else? Are you fucking Marisol!"

"No!" Is she nuts? Why would I fuck Marisol.

"Who are you fucking!"

"No one," I answer honestly. "I haven't fucked any girls. I'm just done with this. Our whole relationship was doomed from the beginning. You were too embarrassed to tell anyone about me. You did nothing while guys hit on you left and right. You went to a "college" party without me, and to be perfectly honest, you've been bossy and inconsiderate, of me, of the Bhandaris who let you in when you needed a home. You have some growing up to do." I got up and left. I am so out of here.

Now that this is done, I need a way to prove to Clare that I care about her.

I didn't text Clare. I want to give her some space. She was pretty upset this afternoon.

Monday

I spent all Sunday figuring out how I was going to sweep Clare off her feet. We didn't talk on Sunday or Monday. I was afraid to approach her at school, since Jenna's still pretty angry. She put me on blast on facerange and everyone keeps asking me who the "other girl" is. I just say Jenna is crazy and bitter, and I won't verify anything. I saw Clare, but before I could talk to her, Adam approached so I kept walking. I did send her a text after school.

"Please meet me at the park at nine, near the dog statue."

I have everything I need. I hope she can give me the chance.

**Clare's POV**

I thought about Irene's words all weekend. I wasn't sure if I could take a risk on him, but I think I have to. He's ruined me for any other guy. I can't feel for anyone else, when he has my heart. I was being picky earlier and it was because I already knew what I wanted.

I got Owen's text. I tell him I'll be there. I know he dumped Jenna on Saturday. I was supposed to hang out with Alli on Sunday, but she said Jenna was too emotional for her to leave and maybe we'd hang out on Wednesday. I'm not sure Alli will want to hang out with me at all when she finds out the truth. I might lose my friends, well Adam doesn't like Jenna, but he won't think very highly of me. Eli better not give me any shit, after what he put me through. I don't know what Fiona would say about it or Jake for that matter, but I need Owen. If my friends can't understand that I love him, then too bad.

I got on a dress and I started to climb out my window when Jake came in my room.

"What are you doing?" he asked me after he closed the door.

"Sneaking out, duh!" I whisper.

"You're not walking by yourself."

"Well, I'm going, so I guess I'm walking by myself."

"Fine, I'm driving you. I don't want you getting mugged."

I take Jake with me and I tell him he can go when I see the statue. He says he'll come back for me in twenty minutes. "Thanks for the ride," it was nice of him, even if he is nosy.

I got to the statute and I didn't see anything, except blue eyes coming out of the darkness.

"You came."

"I said I would."

He took his hands in mine. "Clare, you're a wonderful girl, and I'm so sorry I ever made you doubt that. Because of me, you had to question who you are and what kind of person you are, and you shouldn't have had to do that. I should have broken up with Jenna a long time ago, so we could have an honest try, and I can't undo what I did, but I can try and make it right now. I love you. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and I will do anything and everything to be the man you need me to be, the man you deserve to have." He got down on his knees. "Please," he whispered. "Be mine."

I pull him up and kissed him. I'm his. I've always been his. He had me at our first kiss and I didn't even know it yet.

"I'm yours," I tell him after I break the kiss. "And you're mine, and I don't want to hide us or sneak around anymore."

He smiled and pushed a button, creating a flash of light and music. He covered the gazebo in white Christmas lights and Luther Vandross started playing.

_The closer I get to you._

He led me to the gazebo and his arms wrapped around me as we danced cheek to cheek. This is the perfect song to describe us. He has a better handle on words than he ever let on.

_Over and over again, I try to tell myself that we could never be more than friends._

I feel so safe right now. I know tomorrow will be a shit shitshowshow, but I don't care. I will be fine as long as I have him. He's everything to me. He was worth all of the sad days and self-doubt. He's worth it all.

_Let's give love a try_

He kissed me again and right now, I'm perfect. We're perfect.

After this, he has more songs playing: U Got It Bad and Can You Feel the Love Tonight. Who knew Owen could be so sappy? We were kissing affectionately when I saw Jake's high beams.

"I have to go home now."

I give Owen a final kiss.

"I love you Clare."

"I love you Owen."

I get in Jake's car.

"Is that Owen Milligan?"

"Yes, and he's my boyfriend. He just asked me out tonight."

"He couldn't wait until tomorrow to ask you out?"

"No. He couldn't."

Jake shrugged, and we snuck back into the house.

**Owen's POV**

I am so fucking happy right now. Nothing could take this feeling away.

Tuesday

I got on my lucky socks and got dressed ready to take Degrassi storm. I put on my Superman shirt and a dress shirt over top with the buttons undone. I always feel like I'm invincible in this shirt. I need some invincibility because Jenna's sure to be a bitch. I got to school and Clare was wearing a pretty dress. I walked up to her and she kissed me on the lips.

I took her hand in mine, and we walked into school together.

We got some stares and whispers, but I didn't care. I walked her to her class and she pecked me before she went inside.

Dallas came up to me. "You left Jenna for Clare?"

"Clare's everything I ever wanted. Jenna was just a distraction."

"Jenna's gonna kill you."

"Don't care!"

"Spoken like a true player!"

"My player days are done."

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm retired."

We went to class.

I made it through lunch. I was fine. I hoped Clare was too. I went to see her and right before she got to the cafeteria, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into an empty classroom, my lips colliding with hers as my hands found her back and she breathed into me.

"How was your day so far?"

"It was okay. I haven't had to face Jenna yet although I'm sure she'll find out now if she hasn't already."

I kiss her again. "I'll do anything for you."

"I know," she said. "But I might need to fight this battle myself. I can't hide from what I did forever."

"Just don't let her bring you down."

"I won't. I won't fight her or anything."

**Clare's POV**

I better be careful with my lunch tray. I get my lunch and walk over to sit with Adam et al.

Adam looked at me. "There's a rumor that you're with Owen."

"I am with Owen."

Eli spit out his milk. "What?"

"He's my boyfriend," I tell him.

"Since when?"

"Since last night." Which is technically true.

"He moved on fast," Imogen commented. No one asked you bitch!

"They weren't right for each other."

"And you're right for him?" Eli looked at me.

"Why wouldn't I be?" What, you think I'm too prudish or Christian for him. He loves me for me.

Adam looked at me. "Be careful at your three a clock." Clare turned to see Jenna charging towards her. I pushed my lunch out of the way in case she tried to throw it at me.

"You home wrecking SLUT!"

"You should talk. You named yourself the boyfriend-stealer and then went on to wreck your own home!" Low I know, but I'm not going to take shit from her.

She hissed, but now she's losing her composure. I can see it in her face.

"Let me guess. Owen told you he loved you, and you gave it up for him. He's going to leave you. He just wanted a notch on his belt."

"Owen and I haven't had sex, not that it's your business. He's with me because he loves me just as I am. I didn't have to offer him my pussy. That is the only thing he ever wanted from you, isn't it, and he got bored of it and left, just like all of the other guys."

There's a crowd forming now. I don't know if this is the best strategy, but Jenna wanted a public showing, and she got one.

"AAHHH!" Jenna screamed. She grabbed some guys lunch and threw it at me.

"JENNA MIDDLETON!" Miss Oh! yelled at her. "Principal Simpson's office, now!"

I went to go shower. I didn't need to wear beef stroganoff all day. I anticipated this and brought a backup outfit.

I was coming out of the locker room when I saw Bianca. "Did you really steal Owen from right under her nose?" she asked me, not sounding judgmental.

"I didn't mean to, but it just kind of happened."

"Nice. I didn't think you had it in you!"

Is this a good thing? She acts like it is. Oh Bianca! I see Alli storming at me.

"What the hell happened at lunch?"

"Your crazy friend threw her lunch at me."

"I know that, but she said you stole Owen from her."

"Can we talk about this after class? It's a long story."

She says okay, but she already sounds mad.

Jenna got in school suspension for the day and has detention all week. The Bhandaris grounded her again. Haha!

After class, I was on my way out when I remembered I had to talk to Alli.

We went to the park, since I didn't want to tell this story at the Dot and I explained how I thought Owen was single when we first started making out and how I left when she told me about Jenna and then Jenna was being really nasty to me, so I got back at her by kissing Owen when he drove me home and then we started seeing each other again while Jenna was grounded, since she couldn't go anywhere anyway and I got sick of being the side girl so I told him this had to change and he dumped her and now we're together.

"How could you do this?"

"Don't give me that?" I say to Alli.

"Give you what?"

"You were friends with Jenna after what happened between me and K.C. You practically stole Dave from Sadie. I didn't set out to do what I did. I tried to get out of it and I wouldn't have been anywhere near Owen if Jenna hadn't pulled out that computer cord. I would have gone home and avoided Owen like I had been doing, since I didn't want to be a temptress. I wish I could say I feel bad about this, but I don't. I love Owen and he loves me and we should be together. Jenna needs to get over it and learn that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She can't do what she wants without impunity and get upset when others do the same."

"You can't ask me to say I agree what you did," Alli said. Huh!

"I'm not asking you to agree with anything. I'm just hoping you recognize that I love Owen and I deserve to be with someone who loves me back."

"Of course you do! Things will be rocky for a while, but we're best friends. We'll weather the storm. We always have."

The next couple days were rocky, but I got through them. Jenna was on a tight leash, so she had to stay away from me, but Marisol and other power squad bitches were sure to give me extra glares and shoves in the hallway when they thought no one was looking. One freshman, Tori, shoved me too hard and Miss. Oh gave her detention.

It was lunch when I saw Whisperhug was performing.

"We're doing a preview of our performance at the school dance." They played a remix of Dog Days are Over, by Florence + the Machine. I was surprised to see Owen with them. He took the mike from Zig and said the next song was for me. What? I was wondering why he was busy the last few days.

Ohhhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhh ohhhhhhh

Oh, her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shinin'

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her everyday

Yeah

He's actually singing me a Bruno Mars song right now. His teammates are going to give him shit all year. He did this for me anyway. I can't believe I just saw him as a good kisser who leaves his emotions at the door. He wore them on his sleeve. I just didn't think to look.

**Owen's POV**

The only thing worse than Jenna dumping that tray on Clare's head was the lie that she told, that I was just using Clare for sex. I love her and I'll shout it from the top of the roof if I have to.I was going to surprise her tonight, but I got Zig to change the preview for me. I wanted to make it clear to everyone that I'm serious about her. If they have a problem with us, they can take it up with me, and yes I mean you Marisol and your pussysquad.

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing (amazing)

Just the way you are (are)

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

I got off the stage after the song and walked passed all the swooning niner girls, seriously, I'm fucking taken, and I get to my princess and kissed her in front of everyone. She kissed me back and Miss. Oh, told me to disengage unless I wanted detention. I pull back. She's already mine.

**Clare's POV**

I'm getting ready for the dance tonight. I'm excited for it. Owen wouldn't tell me what other songs he's singing, but I'm sure I'll love them all. I've gotten mixed reactions, from aw, you two are so cute, to you stupid hussy and I appreciate the fans, but I don't care what anyone else thinks about us.

Owen had it right from the beginning. "Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve what you want. The next time you want a guy, just go for it."

**THE END**


End file.
